Juiced, blended ... and healthy

I've eaten badly pretty much all of my adult life. Junk food, ready meals, take-aways, bread and carbs galore. 

I know I could do with losing the proverbial "few pounds" ... if I could be bothered.

But ... I work in an office. I sit down all day. I go home tired. Lunch is from Greggs. Excuses, excuses ... yup, got plenty of 'em

I've never gone to a gym in my life, and have absolutely zero interest in starting now.

Exercise? Okay, I go walking, but, that's it. If you ever see me clad in lycra and jogging, please shoot me.

And yet, ...three weeks into lockdown, and things have changed in a way I didn't expect.

In that time, I reckon I've had  two square meals in total.  Everything else has come via a juicer and blender, and I feel better. Much better.

I'm  sleeping incredibly well, I've lost weight - not much, but a bit (that's as scientific as I get) -  and, in all honesty,  haven't missed the crisps, beer 'n' pizzas, and meals which go 'ping' in the micro.

I have absolutely no plans to turn into some juicing bore who talks folk to death about just how amazing a tumeric shot can be - trust me, it is rank rotten  -  and I absolutely will order a Domino's after a knackering 10-hour shift on deadline day at some point.

But, the change has been surprisingly easy.

What started out at the turn of the year as a morning glass of carrot, apple and ginger has has ramped up to three juices or blends per day.

I'm sure the Good Juice Bible - or whatever it's called - says you also need to cut out tea, coffee and seal the biscuit tin for good in order to be a true juice-meister, but let's not get carried away.

]"Everything in moderation" - and that includes a cuppa with a digestive. Take away my McVities and you will suffer pain!

What is interesting is how stuff I'd recoil from if served on a plate - spinach, parsnips, cucumber, fennel, and avocado - I'll happily wolf down in a blend.

As for coconut water, protein powder,  and pomegranite seeds, that's the sort of stuff you feed to rabbits, but, chucking them into a blender and adding some ice  makes them a pretty decent, filling meal.

I even managed one blend featuring cauliflower - one of my lifelong pet hates - without screwing my face up like a toddler told to clean their plate.

Choosing which turbo blasted, berry express to choose is certainly a bit hit or miss.

Going by the picture is probably not the best idea - "ooh, that looks good" followed by a sense of dread when you scan the ingredients, and then get that first grim mouthful which tastes like chalk.

Some of the powders aren't pleasant initially - or cheap! - and I did toil my way through one blend the way a marathon runner approaches the wall - but, so far, none of them have been utterly undrinkable. Not yet - but it'll happen.

Dates, even blended, will still be the food of the devil and always be reviled - and, as I've discovered, they leave chewy bits which shoot up your straw. That's not a euphemism.

Watching Joe Cross' documentary Fat, Sick And Nearly Dead, was an eye-opener.

He undertook a 60-day juice fast living off a mean green juice consisting of kale, apples, lemon, cucumber, celery and ginger. He emerged 82lbs lighter.

He also inspired a morbidly obese truck driver to transform his life - the guy shed a ton of weight, looked younger, happier and, importantly, made a conscious decision not to go backwards.

Losing weight is as simple - and as complicated - as that. Willpower, commitment, a desire to change.

It is hard work- and it's all too easy to grab that mega-packet of crisps and wolf 'em down when we're feeling a bit crap, tired, or there's nowt on the telly - our relationship with food is also unbelievably complex, and a multi million £ diet industry has created so many different plans it's hard to know where to start.

What works for one person is just a waste of time, money and effort to another, and we're all good at finding excuses rather than reasons to change, and for many, many different reasons.

When Katie Hopkins put on three stones in weight for a TV documentary to specifically prove that fat people are lazy, she completely, and quite deliberately, missed the point.

Her mission wasn't to help or inspire. She wanted to indulge in, and profit from, fat shaming while sneering and mocking those poor folk who didn't have her 'willpower.' Thankfully, most of us don't have her noxious right wing, racist views either.

I've never dieted or counted a calorie in my life. The beauty of juicing is I don't have to, and it doesn't feel like a like a drag doing it either

Will it last? I hope so.

Ultimately, there's only one person to blame if it doesn't ... well, him and those disgusting dates. Yeuch!